Oct
I’m a jerk because of my own insecurites. I constantly and consistently boast and ramble and hurt peoples feelings even people i like. I’m infamous for being his way. I have the ability to not get past it. I cant seem to change. I’m an egomaniacal prick. I feel like if i break this cycle of prick hood i will be less interesting as i get people in my pocket all the time for being this way,people fear it and respect it. But i know they dont respect me. I get compliments about how im cute and how funny i am but i know deep deep down they know im a jack@ss. Please help me turm my ways around for good anything would be useful should i meditate? take a long hot bath in the dark? what can i do? Im afraid if i change ill get boring,i cant stress it enough,when im a jerk im fiery attractive and everyone around flocks to me plus i think as disturbing as this is it turns me on to be a prick and a heel of a person. Please give good answers as i am serious and i dont like who i am at the end of the day when i lye down to rest i toss and turn i know im wrong but change is difficult. Please do not state see a therapist. Thanks in advance pardonn the cliche'.
Answer:
I think it's quite interesting that you've analyzed yourself so well. You already know you are doing this for the attention. You know it's negative attention. You want to change this trait but are afraid you'll miss this attention. You want attention but not negative attention.
Hmmm…..can you move to another planet and start over with totally different friends? Just kidding…
It's hard to change ingrained habits especially when people you know have certain expectations of you. What's the worst thing people would think of you if you tell them you don't want to insult people you know? What's the worst thing that would happen if you actually told people to remind you NOT to be a prick? Would they respect you more ? Or would they not be your friends? If they wouldn’t be your friends because you weren't so entertaining, then they’re not real friends anyway. Not if they are feeding off negativity.
It sounds like you’re pleasing by insulting people and pretty good at it too. . This is a kind of talent that some comedians have. What if you channeled this “talent” into speaking about political figures or current news situations? Being a lot more intellectual about it? And not allowing yourself to let anyone you know be the butt of your jokes?
You've made the biggest step toward self improvement. That is identifying what and why you want to improve. Verbal abuse is hurtful and you know it. Like with other habits, it's a huge help just to have the people around you point out when you’re “doing it” again, to help you stop. If they’re decent people they should applaud and support your effort. Secondly, if you’ve injured people and you know who, you're gonna have to go to them and apologise to get your life in balance. Third, forgive yourself, because you're starting over.
:You sound like deep down you're a really great and caring guy!
Answer:
since you decided to post this question in men's health i will give you the healthy dose of my critique on the matter….
GROW THE HELL UP!
seriously, you make yourself out to be the playground bully, you don't need to see a therapist, you need a swift kick in the balls. if you don't decide to change your attitude, YOU WILL run into somebody that will change it for you one of these days…
Answer:
Sounds like you've got some problems gettin' laid due to your jerkness. Marriage with a horse will cure your problem. hope this helped.
Answer:
Change the medication, my friend. Something mellow… slowwwww down… chillaxe.
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you already know what you do wrong, change all that and everything will change for you
Answer:
Hey I'm tate, I know what your feelin, I used to be called a sociopath for my self-interest and lack of selflessness. But it all came to me at one point that I can't keep pushing people away. I realized, just like you've realized that being a jerk isn't the way to go. There where people that cared about me, that I over looked, and I risked loosing my ideal friend due to my selfishness.
You know, admiting you’ve a problem is the first step in solving the problem. Being a nice guy dosen't mean you have to be a push over, know your limits and know yourself. If you've got a friend that looks down, you should try to lend a hand, but be sincer about it. A lot of people think I'm a nice guy, yet there are some people who will try to walk all over me becuase of it, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself, people who are confident with themselves usually won't get picked on, but be warned some people are persistent, don't sink back down to your old levels though, just walk away, or ignore it. If you feel up to it, pretend theres a situation, for example, where you see someone you don't know, or a even a friend being picked on, would you A. go and join in, B. walk away, or C. go try to get them to back off. Let's say you select C. T(ry practicing in the mirror, watch your facial expressions in the mirror, and make sure your not looking sarcastic) Practice what you'd do in that situation. If you feel like making fun of someone, try saying to yourself, whats something positive about this person. Be a kind man, but don't be a fake man. There are so many things you can do to be a kind person, just listening to someones troubles for example, even if you don't know what to do for them, sometimes venting is a great way to help someone calm down. Hey if you need any more help feel free to email me. Even if you need to vent or something or just if you need some advice, just let me know. tates here for ya!
Answer:
You're so full of yourself - you're pathetic! Was this an invitation to a pity party - or what? You could change if you really wanted to. But, you enjoy manipulating people to do things your way & get a kick out of watching them squirm. You must make a commitment to YOURSELF to make a change. Nothing anybody in here can say or do will make any difference if you're not willing to make that commitment. To conquer insecurity - take a course in self assertiveness & also one in public talking to gain confidence in yourself & improve your self assurance. Begin volunteering to help people. How about that elderly person in your neighborhood that needs their yards cleaned or trim painted on their house. Volunteer to help out at a Nursing Home to help elderly residents write cards & letters to friends & relatives & help the activities director with residents to play Bingo or Checkers, etc. When you help others, your own problems start to shrink.
Answer:
Hey J,
This is very admirable. And kudos. What’s your astrological sign? Being an *** is fun and exciting, but at then end of the day you're lonely. Often being a tiny **** is a way to keep yourself guarded. Sure, it keeps things lively and exciting and at the time you’ll be distracted. Being a shitty person doesn't feel good when the calm comes. Either just occupy yourself constantly and be distracted from loneliness or change. Change is hard and scary. You don't need a therapist, you need self control and personal analysis. Assess you actions and identify the feelings you have when you act like a bastard. Realize your patterns and when you’re in a situation where you would be a prick, choose not to be. I'm sure your default is prick-y-ness and I can't tell you how to be an unguarded you. That’ll take time to be comfortable, no doubt. Sorry if this is similar to all your other answers; I haven't read any of them.
Answer:
Sounds to me like you need a sense of love and acceptance that you can not currently get from your friends. You need to work on your vertical relationship with God first. Read the Psalms and the New Testament (1 Corinthians 13 on love, for example or Romans chapter 8 that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ). Also sounds like you are spreading yourself too thin, trying to be everyone's friend. Work on making a couple of close friendships first. Guys need space, “cave time” as “Men are from Mars and Women from Venus” put it. Are you getting enough “cave time” to think things through? Benjamin Franklin put himself on a program of self-improvement. Maybe reading about his experiences would be a help. Wishing you all the ideal in your quest to become a kind man.
Answer:
well, just realizing it makes you better. and you wont be boring. just change all your jerkness by pointing it at different things. like instead of insulting the person, insult indirectly.
like instead of “your stupid” you say “that was stupid”
it still isn't great, but its a whole lot better then what it could be. just try to be nice. and think before you talk. and it helps if you have a friend that doesn't think it's funny when you're mean. then it's all trial and error. when you state something mean and they don't laugh, it's less likely for you to state it again.
also if you can't stop insulting, then say sorry. it sounds cheesy but it makes it way better.
and compliment. positive to rule out the negative and all that. and it doesn't count if its a flirty comment. that doesn't help.
Answer:
You are heading in the right direction,Atleast you know your faults and want to change them.I know what you mean.I laugh and joke with the guy at school how is also a prick but after he goes me and my mates talk about him behind his back and none of use actually like him.He thinks we do but we dont.
I guess a good way to control what you say is just take a few seconds before you speak and consider what you’re going to state.If you think you are going to say something hurtful,think before you state anything then either so something nice or dont state anything at all.
I do think itis good you know you’re being a jerk,now just control it.